Thanks Alison – yes I certainly wasn’t meaning to imply that all parties were equally responsible or ethical in such circumstances. More the way in which that situation is culturally located. Thanks for the clarification.
]]>Thanks for another great entry on your blog. As is often the case I find myself nodding in agreement or thinking ‘great idea’ or ‘that’s interesting’. I am quite hung-up this time though on a couple of points made:
“The person having the affair is often blamed and feels terribly guilty, their partner frequently feels very hurt and betrayed, and the person who the affair was with may well end up losing somebody who they loved and had become very important in their life.”
‘The person having the affair is often blamed …’:
It is helpful to situate the unfaithful partner and their behaviour in the wider culture. Rather than view them as intrinsically nasty, we can be more compassionate about the circumstances influencing their behaviour. I don’t think this is the whole picture though.
People have different ways of coping with similar tensions and not everyone deals with cultural pressures by having secret affairs. A macro-sociological explanation is incomplete by itself.
I’m not suggesting looking to the individual alone to understand infidelity. But I do think we need to add a more personalised understanding of why individuals make the choices they make to the sociocultural context in which they are making them. I agree that nobody can stand outside of culture but I still think that we are often largely accountable for what we do.
‘[The affair-partner] may well end up losing somebody who they loved and had become very important in their life.’:
How can people expect to cultivate a satisfying relationship with someone who has already promised monogamy to their primary partner or spouse and is living a secret or double life? And can’t they be held at least somewhat accountable for the pain and suffering they bring upon themselves?
That’s my tuppence worth! Thanks again for your great blog.
Alison