By: Meg-John Barker

Meg-John Barker — Thu, 27 May 2021 13:34:19 +0000

In reply to Raymie. So glad that it was useful to you. That sense of needing to build strong foundations is such a helpful one here too. And Tony appreciates the compliment!

By: Raymie

Raymie — Wed, 26 May 2021 18:10:43 +0000

Thanks Tony and Ara! This is life changing. I struggle so much with relationships. Once I was crying in the street after a break up and a stranger tried to help me. They said ‘a relationship is like a house. You need strong foundations.’ I wouldn’t take it at the time – I thanked them but internally rejected the idea. I had been so kind and gentle to my ex partner, I thought I definitely have built his trust. However, he had no interest in making things work well for me – therefore there were no foundations, no matter what I did. If I’d have gone slowly and entertained the possibility seriously that this other person may not be a good fit for me – as hot as he was and as yearning for a boyfriend as I was – I wouldn’t have ended up in so much pain (and with severe trauma).

Many of my friendships had been long distance – I was desperate for friends, so I would see new people most weekends and even week nights, staying over at their houses due to the distance. I thought I was sweet enough and open minded enough to get along with anyone – but these people were selfish and cruel. If only I’d have gone slowly and been wary, seeing all red flags instead of ignoring them because I felt it didn’t matter too much in a friendship.

Needing other people leads to fastlove – I should have also seen that these people were moving too fast – visiting me long distance and inviting me to too many things that I just said yes to.

For now on I am going to take my time, and build real foundations to protect my heart from damage.

Thank you Meg-John, esp Ara & Tony <3 Also Tony, you are cool!

Comments on: Slow Relating

By: Meg-John Barker

By: Raymie