By: Meg-John Barker

Meg-John Barker — Thu, 11 Jul 2019 11:12:11 +0000

Thanks so much for this comment Paul. I think those things you raise are a real issue with the scene – how they exclude many people who are older, from different class/culture backgrounds, and with access needs (those kinds of venues are seriously unfriendly for folks with hearing issues like me too, as well as neurodiverse people). So important to have a range of spaces which are queer- and gay-friendly.

I hadn’t thought of the bereavement point but it’s such a good one – opening up the range of relationships we might have following loss of whatever kind.

By: Paul Thurtle

Paul Thurtle — Thu, 11 Jul 2019 10:37:58 +0000

Thank you for this posting Meg-John. Once again you have got me thinking! We’ve never been on a Pride march – to be authentic I feel, that at 56, I am too old and fat to go now. The gay male community feels like it is fixated on slim, young guys (on TV you often hear ‘Past it at 30’ said as a joke). My husband and I have never been ‘on the scene’; ‘The scene’ tends to be clubs and pubs (playing loud music) and we are not into that. I was interested in a kink video that I saw on Instagram; what put me off of the club the video was shot in was the very loud music playing and all the slim young people – I just do not feel we would be welcomed at such an event. Maybe we are too sensitive? I have a Norfolk accent and have a working-class background – it’s amazing the assumptions people make about me based on my accent! I am also dyslexic – when I was teaching I was once told (by a parent) that I was ‘very brave’ when I ‘admitted’ to being dyslexic.
As a counsellor I work with a lot of bereaved clients. Since reading your books, I have started suggesting to my clients they might want to think in a less binary way about their future relationships. Intimacy can be found in many diverse ways: with a person of the same gender, through friendship with someone of the opposite gender or a Trans person, non-sexual touching, with multiple partners. Intimacy does not have to lead penis-in-vagina sex ending in an orgasm(s). I find that so many of my clients a have ‘shut down’ way of thinking brought on through their upbringing, societal messages and abusive relationships. Meg-John’s writings are all about opening up possibilities which, personally, I find very liberating – I believe my clients do too. Meg-John’s Blogs, Zines and books are so helpful and inspiring.

Comments on: Straight culture

By: Meg-John Barker

By: Paul Thurtle